Mission Impossible: the shopping episode

The girl walked under the sign, proclaiming 'Marks and Spencers' in oversized letters. She looked around cautiously but she couldn't detect any followers. Her mission was simple: locate, seize, purchase.

She quickly found her objective and manoeuvred to the fitting rooms. On this occasion, however, she was unsuccessful. Downhearted, she returned the offending item to the rack.

She looked up as a warted middle-aged women enquired where one would find hats and gloves. This was clearly a trap. She replied, denying any knowledge of such products, hoping that would act as enough of a decoy to put the women off her trail.

She knew something was wrong. The women drew herself up to full height and began a verbal barrage: why don't you know, what's wrong you with, don't they train you in this place?

A shocked silence covered the shop, during which the girl replied in muted tones - you do realise I don't work here?

The embarrassment was audible as the women marched out of the store. The girl shared a secret smile with the real retail staff. This would be a day they wouldn't easily forget.

Castles! Just like in the fairy tales

This weekend was a Historic Scotland free weekend at a number of sites around Scotland. These sites normally cost GBP 6 to 10 each so it was quite a good deal and we wanted to make the most of it. We joined Steve and Jo on a train trip to Stirling to visit Stirling Castle. It's smaller than Edinburgh Castle but has also had less recent use (and siege damage), and therefore hasn't been modified quite as much since its construction. The views over Stirling and across to the William Wallace Memorial were great. A highlight was a presentation by a couple of guys in period costume about medieval weaponry, including a demonstration about how difficult it is to hide with a 10 foot pike ("See, ye can't see haem, but ye can see the pike"). The partially restored palace dating from the 16th century was also interesting, and we saw the huge amount of work they are putting into producing tapestries to hang on the walls.

We stopped off at Linlithgow on the way back to see the Palace. It wasn't in such good condition as Stirling Castle, but was even more interesting because there were lots of secret passageways and dark corridors to explore! It also left more room for the imagination to try to envisage what it would have looked like five hundred years ago. The setting was beautiful too, there is even a lake. I felt sorry for the prisoners who were held beneath the guardhouse - the only entrance to their cell was the rubbish chute-like hole in the ceiling through which they were dropped!

On Sunday, even though we were a bit castled-out, we took the opportunity to have a look at Edinburgh Castle for free. We'd previously circumambulated the castle and it looks great from all sides. You can see why it's Scotland's no. 1 tourist attraction. It lived up to our expectations - we missed out a couple of regimental museums, but saw pretty much everything else. We didn't have long enough to appreciate the Scottish Crown Jewels and Stone of Destiny because it was so busy, but the crowds weren't a problem otherwise. Just like the views of the castle from below, the views over the city are superb. Sylvia had suggested that I climb the rock and into the castle but I wasn't so sure. I was impressed to hear that the castle has been taken by a group of soldiers who scaled the north buttress and overcame the defenders, I would not be keen.